Never Forsaken

Words cannot convey the grief that comes from a miscarriage. It shows that this world is so very, very broken, and it creates a pain that cannot be expressed in any human words I have ever encountered.

I recently read Never Forsaken: God’s Mercy in the Midst of Miscarriage by Kathryn Ziegler Weber, and I wept over that book.

One day as I was talking with the esteemed curator of Bread for Beggars, Pastor Mark Parsons, I mentioned I’d read the book and he asked me to type something up on it. He thought it might prove useful.

I agree with him.

But here I come to a tricky place: I’ve been blessed that if my wife ever miscarried, it happened so early neither of us knows about it. I’m speaking into a pain that has hurt me only in that I have grieved with those who have grieved.

That said, if you’ve ever experienced that pain, I want to recommend Never Forsaken to you. I appreciated that it never shies away from the pain, but it still points to hope while admitting that the pain is very real.

Each chapter brings in a different woman to tell her story of loss while pointing to a different aspect of grieving a miscarriage. Chapters tackle questions ranging from “Why?” to “How do I deal with the shame and guilt?” to “How do I forgive how callous so many people have been to my grief?”

I deeply appreciated how honest these chapters were; far too often we paper over our pain in church and pretend we’re fine. Instead, the book encourages us to be honest with our pain. In fact, one chapter tackles how to talk about the loss.

Throughout, the writers direct us to God’s mercy. They do not try to “explain away” the terrible loss of miscarriage. They don’t try to make it look pretty. Instead, they point us to who Jesus is.

One of the best parts of this book is an “extra feature” in the back. “The Cobra has Missed” is a sermon by Pastor Hans Fiene for the funeral of a miscarried boy. Like the rest of the book, Fiene does not turn away from the pain but points to Jesus as the answer to that pain.

I thought of many women I wanted to give this book to. Many women have internalized how we treat miscarriages: Sure, grieve, but move on quickly. Get over it.

Look, “Get over it” is not a Christian response to miscarriage. We grieve with those who grieve. Jesus did not tell us to “get over it” when we drowned in our sin. He stepped in to rescue us. He wept over Jerusalem. He cried out in pain for us.

It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to scream out in pain. The pain is real.

Jesus is just as real. He loves us in our pain.

This is what I know: You are not forgotten in your pain. God does not tell you to “get over it.” Instead, he promises you a place where you will never feel sorrow again. He has already paid for you to be there.

You have not been forsaken.

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What do you think is a good way for churches to grieve with mothers who have suffered a miscarriage? Have you ever witnessed or taken part in an act of mercy toward such a hurting woman? How can we do better?