Blogs,  Luke Italiano

You are not what you do.

I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty busy. I don’t get everything done every day I should. I fail more often than I like admitting (particularly before my church council). I don’t make as many evangelism visits as I want. I don’t follow up as well as I think I should. I don’t spend as much time preparing sermons as I feel I should. A survey conducted in 2013 concluded, “Pastors’ sense of guilt about not doing enough at work was a top predictor of depression, and that doubt of their call to ministry was a top predictor of anxiety. Pastors with less social support — those who reported feeling socially isolated — were at higher risk for depression.”

I’ve found it’s true for me. When I don’t do a good job as a pastor, I feel down. And when I fail to accomplish everything I think I should do? I get angry with myself.

Do you do that? You’re probably not a pastor reading this, but do you have things you’re trying to do as a mom or dad? When you fail, do you call yourself a bad parent and feel down? How about in your job goals? Or when you fail as a friend?

I feel like so much depends on me.

So much depends on me being a good pastor, a good dad, a good friend. And when I fail, I’ve let them down.

How about you? Do you feel that so much depends on what you do?

Jesus does not demand that I accomplish all these tasks I set before myself. He doesn’t command me to carry the congregation on my back. My efforts will not save my people.

You, too. These things you feel you must accomplish every day? Do you feel that so, so much depends on you?

Remember who you are. Remember who your Savior is.

You did not die for anyone, and if you did, your death would not bring them to heaven. I need to hear this truth again: I am not anyone’s Shepherd. You are not their Shepherd. You are a sheep. Me, too. I’m a sheep, too. Don’t forget who you are.

And don’t forget who your Shepherd is.

Your Shepherd cares for you. Your Shepherd laid down his life for you, only to take it up again. And he doesn’t do that to guilt you. I know that your depression might make you feel worse when I say that. But did you know? “For the joy set before him.” (Hebrews 12:2) Jesus didn’t look at you and sigh, “Fine, you get thrown in, too.” For the joy of rescuing you, his sheep, he has endured the cross, scorning its shame. He delights in rescuing you. He delights in paying with his blood for you. He delights in making you his own.

This is who you are. Not any of those roles you play. Not pastor. Not parent. Not employee. Not employer. Not friend. These things do not define who you are. If these things define who you are, you will always find anxiety, because those roles can be threatened. They can change. You are not the role you play.

You are Jesus’s child.

Do not forget who you are. If your identity is pastor, you will fail. If your identity is mom, you will never escape the darkness. If your identity is “pretty good person,” you will fall when you find out that maybe you’re not as good as you think you are.

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And this goes to every role you have. My identity is not dad. Yes, I have children. I pray that in my role as father, I bring them up in the fear and instruction of the Lord. But just as my identity is not “good pastor” or “bad pastor,” my identity is not “good dad” or “bad dad.” If I fail my children, if I haven’t played with them today or I’ve been too harsh, I repent of any sins I have committed. I see again that Jesus has forgiven even that sin. But I am not “bad parent.”

My identity is secure. I am God’s son.

And you?

Your identity is secure, too. It’s not what you do.

It’s whose you are: Jesus, who bought you with his own blood. And he does not regret it.

Luke Italiano is a pastor in Florence, KY. He has a beautiful bride and four children. He's a self-confessed geek. He also loves a story well-told.

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