Shine on Me
The sun is shining today. But its rays don’t seem to reach me.
I look out the window on a December morning. The ground that has endured heavy rains and blankets of snow, the tree branches that have been whipped and tossed by heavy winds, are getting a break today. The sun casts its warm gaze on the natural world around me, coating it in a golden hue.
It all seems so far away, even though it is right in front of me.
I live in the world but feel apart from it. I roam about in its circles but don’t seem to connect. I see, I feel, I touch — but it doesn’t stay. It moves right along, and before I know it, it is gone.
I have lived wanting to hold on. I have grown up wanting to be safe and know what’s coming. I have dreamed of having all I need, achieving all I wanted, believing it can all come true.
But it doesn’t.
The whiplash of disappointment and loss stings my flesh; the boiling hot waters of sin and its consequences scald my mind and heart. At times it seems beyond what I can bear…
…and so, I become like one who doesn’t feel. Because enough of me has felt. And I don’t want it anymore.
I don’t want the pain. I don’t want the grief. I don’t want the memories of the past, the reality of the present, and the predictions of the future to consume me whole.
I don’t want it, Lord…
“You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised” (Hebrews 10:36).
I don’t know if I can. There is nothing, nothing more I feel I can give.
“‘Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest’” (Matthew 11:28).
I come to you, Jesus:
I feel lost.
I feel broken.
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But you tell me that I am found…
“‘For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost’” (Luke 19:10).
That I am healed…
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3).
That I have hope.
“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful” (Hebrews 10:23).
There are scars; there are tears; there are afflictions. But they can never take away what your scars, your tears, and your afflictions on the cross did for me:
Lord, you have given me a hope. A certain hope.
And it does not rest in this world — it rests in you. In Jesus…
In the baby born in Bethlehem.
Oh God, shine on me — and grant me your peace (Numbers 6:25-26).
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).
