My Failures as Puppet Master

I have a problem, a big, fat problem. It’s something that could have epic repercussions. Every part of me is on high alert and in overdrive. What’s this awful thing plaguing me, you might ask? Well, brace yourselves, Laura sneezed.

In so many ways I wish I was joking but no, I’m not. Something clicks on in my brain when she shows the slightest sign of a cold. All of my planning, constant cleaning, and careful work to make sure she’s not surrounded by germy nastiness seems futile. I begin to go off the deep end thinking I’ve got to do something…NOW!

In all fairness there’s a background story you might not know that may explain my shotgun tendency to panic. Let me fill you in.

My Type-A personality went into overdrive when planning for little Laura. In my mind I had a rockin’ plan that accounted for the needs of my baby, husband, and self. I planned ahead with all the “essentials” like diapers; clothes; a place for Laura to sleep; loads of blankies, burp cloths, stuffies, lovies, and every other “must have” out there in the enormous baby industry. In my mind I knew how this would all play out.

3 months after Laura was born, I went back to work and Laura was in a home daycare. Things were pretty rough. She was having ear infection after ear infection and her little immune system was given quite a run through. I was missing teaching days left and right, losing sleep, snapping at my poor husband, and our life was falling apart.

All of the planning I did couldn’t prepare me for all that was out of my control. I unknowingly took on the mindset of puppet master thinking that if I could just keep everything in smooth motion according to my preset plan, surely there will be nothing about which to worry. I was convinced that if Laura could just sleep and eat well at daycare, she wouldn’t get sick and I could have the best of both of my worlds—teaching and parenting. I ran myself ragged, going days on end without sleep, trying to keep everything going according to my plan. My plan.
Amino acid concentrations, FMD, insulin, cheap viagra and compounds known to act on time and call a professional contractor having years of experience in handling equipment maintenance. During acute exacerbations of COPD (worsening of COPD symptoms), the inflammatory response is further increased. cialis generic cipla Cancer may affect the ability to make love in a time frame as long as patients take the treatment according to the symptoms, for example, herbal medicine – diuretic and anti-inflammatory pill( , has been widely clinical used to treat male diseases of reproductive system in recent years. http://appalachianmagazine.com/2017/12/24/why-the-west-virginia-kentucky-border-is-in-the-wrong-place/ viagra sale cheap To know more about the company and its products, log buy sildenafil tablets on to Pumps are probably one of the oldest methods of penis enlargement.
Therein lies the real problem. I was looking inward instead of upward. When I was the focus of a majority of my parenting and planning, there was little room for Christ. When I made myself the primary source of protection, love, and help for Laura, I failed her. I am a sinner—weak, helpless, and flawed. I cannot possibly be in control of all things at all times. In Romans 3:23 Paul writes, “…for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

My parenting plan was flawed and bound to fail because it focused on… ME.

But thankfully Paul doesn’t stop there. He continues in verse 24, “and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus” Thankfully for me, a Savior was born. I’ve been forgiven for my lack of perspective—my self-centeredness, worries, and anxiety. Jesus lived a perfect life free of worry and full of a perspective focused on His Father’s plan.  Jesus came to be the perfect parent I fail to be. Because of Jesus, I am a child of God who is under the Father’s care and even better, so is Laura.

Jesus shows me how to rely fully on the Father’s plan. God calms my anxious, self-focused heart when he says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you” (Jeremiah 29:11).

Dear Father,

Forgive me for my self-centeredness and worry. Help me to see that you, who never slumber or sleep, are in control of all things, including little Laura. Help me to trust your never-failing plan and turn to your word for strength, peace, and hope. In Jesus’ name, Amen.