The Meaning of Repentance – An Ash Wednesday Meditation
“Remember that you are dust.” Year after year on Ash Wednesday my pastor would say those words as he marked my forehead with ashes. Silently I and my fellow worshipers would walk away, thoughts heavy contemplating the sins and failures that weigh us down, and the great mercy of a God who would forgive one such as me. In the years since, I have only come to appreciate that sentiment all the more, as year after year I see more clearly that no effort on my part can ever satisfy the Law’s righteous demands.
When I was young I didn’t really understand repentance. I don’t know if it’s just an immature understanding or a consequence of how we teach it, but I had this impression that repentance was about making sure I said I was sorry for my sins and trying really hard to not do them again. And if I didn’t repent, I thought, God would not forgive me.
That line of thinking can only lead to the misguided belief that I actually can do it, that I’m actually capable of being sorry enough and doing it right. Such self-righteous sentiments. The reality is far grimmer – I fail completely, both at my false notion of repentance and at accomplishing true repentance. My sorrow over my sin will always be tainted with self-absorption, be it feeling good about how bad I feel about myself, or feeling bad about how not really sorry I am, or feeling regretful at the idea of giving up my pet sin. And my best attempts at doing better will never amount to anything.
I’ve learned this – true repentance is not something I do.
Yes, I want to confess my sins to God, with sorrow over them. Yes, I want to ask for his help to amend my life. Those are the marks of repentance, the way it manifests in my life. But the essence of true repentance is simply this – to know that I am dust. To acknowledge that I am completely hopeless. To admit my absolute brokenness. To understand that even in my brokenness, some part of me still grasps feebly at self-righteousness not because I can succeed, but because I fear the truth that I cannot. True repentance is to see that fear for what it is – the natural state of the soul separated from God by sin.
True repentance is to remember that I am dust.
That I am ashes.
That I am a sinner.
That I need Jesus.
I can’t even summon up true repentance on my own. It is granted to me as a gift of mercy by the one before whom I must bow. He grants it so that I will no longer rely on my own efforts but fall completely on him.
This is where I find the meaning of repentance. It is rest for my soul. I can do nothing, so I look to the one who has done everything. Jesus has done it right where I did it wrong. Jesus has taken my guilt, where no amount of apology to God could have relieved it.
Jesus’ blood has washed me clean, and in repentance, I find peace as I kneel before his cross and let his blood cover me.
On this day of ashes, I bow before him and acknowledge that I am dust. I say with the thief on the cross, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” And he will.
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Taizé songs are often used during Offertory, during The Lord’s Supper, and during special services, such as Good Friday services.
Here, the phrase spoken by one of the thieves on the cross hanging next to Jesus is used to express an attitude of surrender and faith. (Just as the thief did.) We say together, “Jesus, remember me.”
Brandon Steenbock
Brandon serves as Young Adult Minister at St. Mark Lutheran Church, De Pere/Green Bay, WI. He's married to Nikki, and together they have two sons. Passions include talking about Jesus, literature, and coffee.
4 Comments
Molly Parsons
Thank you for your helpful words on repentance! I would describe my immature view of repentance in a very similar way to your description. Could you point to some scripture examples of what helped deepen your understanding of what repentance is?
Brandon
I think one thing in Scripture that helped me really understand this is Jesus’ example of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector. The only thing we know about the Tax Collector is that he came in, acknowledge his sinfulness, and begged for God’s mercy, and Jesus says he went away justified – not guilty. Every time I think about that story I’m gripped by the irony of the situation – the scumbag acknowledges his absolute failure at life and goes away clean.
You have Isaiah’s confession that all our righteous works are still filthy. You look at all of Paul’s constant hammering the point that works of the Law can never meet God’s standard, and we all fall short (Romans 3) and we are all justified by Christ’s works alone (Romans 5), and then you stand at the cross and hear Jesus say, “It is finished.” You can’t consider all of that and imagine that somehow saying “I’m sorry” sincerely enough, or making my life look better, can in any way be a prerequisite for God to give me his forgiveness. “It is finished.” “Justified.”
So what is repentance? “For dust you are, and to dust you will return,” God told Adam in Genesis 3. Job repented “in dust and ashes.” John tells us in his first epistle, “If we claim we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us, but if we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins.” Repentance is really just acknowledging that I’m a sinner, and it’s right there that I find God’s forgiving love.
This isn’t really Scripture, but when I wrote this post it was kinda ringing in my ears, a line from a Caedmon’s Call song called “I Boast No More”:
“The best obedience of my hands
Dares not appear before thy throne
But faith can answer thy demands
By pleading what my Lord has done”
Molly Parsons
I have some friends that really struggle with being called ashes or dust because it the logical conclusion to that is we have no value or worth. Feel like throwing any words out there to speak to that?
Brandon
I’ve known some people who really struggle with self-esteem issues, and yeah, I can see how the idea of saying, “I’m dust and ashes” could actually be really hard. Doesn’t make it any less true, but do I sit with that person and really reinforce this particular message to them? Probably not.
But then there’s the message our culture tries to sell us that having high self-esteem is really important and that we shouldn’t see ourselves as failures or anything like that. That’s not a sustainable frame of mind. I can’t love myself into heaven, you know? At some point I have to come to grips with what the Bible says about me – I am a sinner, I fail to live up to God’s righteous standard, I can’t save myself, and I’m destined to die. So what am I going to do about that? I go to Christ, where I find salvation, a robe of righteousness, and the hope of eternal life.
I think trying to incorporate the whole worldly self-esteemism into Christianity is just self-defeating. If we have some intrinsic value, then it means God is saving me because of some worth in me, and if that’s the case, then maybe I can actually do something to earn it. I end up with works-righteousness. If we downplay the fact that we are, by nature, worthless, blind, dead, enemies of God, then we end up also downplaying how great God’s love is, how amazing it is that he gives us mercy and grace. If I’m not completely worthless, then how can I know that I’m worth enough? Whereas, if I am completely worthless to a holy God, but I’m loved anyway, then I can’t lose. I can’t sink lower, and yet his love is there at my lowest. I’ve got it made.
It’s actually really freeing to not have to base my self worth on myself. And maybe I’m just weird, but I can’t separate my self worth from myself without first admitting that I have no self worth by myself. Then I can get all my worth from Christ.
Maybe that’s more words than you meant when you said, “throw some words at it,” but there you go. Blog post part 2. 😉