Your heart lies.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Your heart lies. It twists truths you know to grind you down so you cannot see how loved you are and how Jesus has fought your battle for you.
And I know that in that moment of distress, you may know the truth, but at that moment it is like knowing random facts about ocelots. Sure, it may be true, but it doesn’t affect you. What your heart says at that moment and what you know God’s Word has told you are in complete conflict. In that hour of darkness, your heart wants to drag you down with a millstone and drown you in despair.
In that hour when you cannot fight your heart any more, when its lies have led you to the edge, know this:
You cannot hold on to God.
He holds on to you.
You are not strong enough. You do not have to be strong enough. You are not less because you are not strong enough.
The Lord is your strength. (Psalm 118:14) He is the one who has become your salvation. It is his responsibility to rescue you. He is the Redeemer; not you. Be weak. Be weak in the Lord. Rest.
Be still. Know that he is God. (Psalm 46:10)
I know your heart lies. It tells you to hate yourself. It tells you that you are not good enough. As Andrew Peterson wrote, “And how does it end when the war that you’re in is just you against you against you? You’ve got to learn to love, learn to love, learn to love your enemies, too.” No, I’m not encouraging you to become selfish and ignore the needs of others. And yes, I know that you have sinned in thought, word, and deed. No, I don’t know all your sins. I know you have reason to hate yourself.
I also know that Jesus has redeemed you, a lost and condemned sinner, purchased and won you, not with silver or gold, but with his holy, precious blood and his innocent suffering and death. (Luther’s Small Catechism) You. This is a truth bigger than your heart. And the next time your heart condemns you, remember: Jesus is bigger than your heart. (I John 3:20)
I know how hard it is to disbelieve lies whispered from within, even when you know better. On those days you cannot fight… rest. Just rest. God has you. His nail-scarred hands will not let you go. (John 6:39) Go back. See his promises to you. See how he’s wild about you and was willing to pay any price for you. (Matthew 13:44-45) You are of great enough worth to God that he chose to rescue you. And not only that, but you can rest secure in him.
Your heart lies.
Your Savior is the Truth. Trust him more than you would your heart.