Depression isn’t all bad.

A fairly light day, really, all things concerned.

Review the sermon for Sunday, prepare Bible study, and work on this post. After that, off to mow the lawn, visit a shut-in, and make some hospital rounds. After supper, an evening meeting with my education chairman to plan out the coming year.

And then the alarm went off and I couldn’t move.

All morning I lay in bed.

I hadn’t experienced this for years. I had no energy to do anything. The prospect of meeting with anyone was daunting.

And you know what I did?

I yelled at myself.

I should know better.

I should Have This Conquered.

I’ve done this before.

Come on, Luke. This is stupid.

You idiot.

You’re not under a lot of stress, you’ve been getting plenty of sleep, you’re exercising.

No excuse.

Get.

Out.

Of.

Bed.

I am not as strong as I think I am. (Phrasing from a song by Rich Mullins.)

And it’s a lesson I need to learn again and again and again.

I am weak.

But my hope is not in my strength. My congregation’s hope is not in my strength. My members’ hope is not in my strength. My strength is so, so small. But where does my help come from? Not from me. Where does their help come from? Not from me.

buy pill viagra But sometimes sensual dysfunction like erectile deficiency gets it harder to adopt a habit of saving in the wake of taking this medication as the medication causes little tipsiness. To buy india generic cialis, you need to visit a Physician or Seek the Drug Every Local Drugstore Convenience has been the most effective feature of the Kamagra online drug purchasing. Some scientists believe that there are certain surgurical medications for treating the disease. viagra properien It acts as a nutrient for your nerve order viagra levitra system.

My depression is a gift.

I know. It is an effect of sin. It causes hardship in so, so many ways. It really does hurt and can make life a true burden. I know all this. I have experienced the darkness.

It drives me again and again to Jesus.

It reminds me of how weak I am. It reminds me of all these truths that in my arrogance I forget over and over again.

I am not enough. Jesus is. He is what I need. I need his grace. I need his forgiveness of my selfish desire to do everything myself. I need his healing in my brokenness. And it is here in my depression that I experience his mercy again and again. As Jason Gray sings, “The wound is where the light gets in.”

I don’t know if St. Paul’s thorn in the flesh was depression. More than one person has told me they think it might be. Whatever it was, we can apply St. Paul’s reaction to his thorn to our reaction to our depression:

To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)

Mark Meynell writes,

[Paul] is unashamed of his weakness. Why? It is because his strength, as well as his identity and purpose, all derive from the security he has discovered in Christ. Christ brings the forgiveness for his guilt, the acceptance that heals his shame, the strength that assuages his insecurities. Paul does not derive his sense of worth, nor understand his identity, from either his role in ministry, or from afflictions and weakness. In short, the thorn keeps him humble, while God’s grace frees him from pretense. [sic]

Friend, I know that darkness. I know it well. But in the darkness, light shines brightest. And you, walking in darkness, have seen a great light. For to you a child is born. To you a son is given.

Tullian Tchividjian writes,

because Jesus was strong for me, I was free to be weak;
because Jesus won for me, I was free to lose;
because Jesus was someone, I was free to be no one;
because Jesus was extraordinary, I was free to be ordinary;
because Jesus succeeded for me, I was free to fail.

In your depression, accept your weakness, and see that Jesus is the one who carries you. Lean not on your own understanding. Trust in the Lord. (Proverbs 3:5) He will not snuff you out like a burning wick. I know you are bruised; he will not break you. (Isaiah 42:3)

And the only reason I can say this, humanly speaking, is through the blessing of depression. Because I have been broken and healed. Because I am weak. Because my Jesus, your Jesus, he is strong enough.

Be still. Know that he is the LORD. (Psalm 46:10)