You Are Not Useless

Depression isn’t just feeling down. Its symptoms can include feeling sad, being unable to feel, being self-destructive, numb, having a loss or increase in appetite, experiencing a loss of interest in sex… Every single one of those can hit the life of an average person with depression. Those symptoms can drag a life into torture.

In my life, one of the chief effects of depression has been shame. The message I have kept telling myself was, “You are not good enough.” I struggle with self-worth constantly, and it makes ministry difficult. I suspect every pastor who takes God’s Word seriously feels unworthy to stand before the congregation and speak Law and Gospel, at least occasionally; in that, I’m not alone. In my life, though, the feeling can be nearly constant.

Another effect of the depression has been an inability to deal with other people. I constantly feel a need to isolate myself. I have became quite adept at canceling appointments. If I do force myself to meet with people when I’m in a depressive episode, I’ll usually be able to meet as needed. However, once I get home I’ll lie down in bed and not even be able to speak with my wife. As you might imagine, this has not been a positive addition to my ministry or family life.

I asked other pastors in an informal survey: How their depression affected their ministries. Some responses included:

• Canceling meetings and classes
• Lack of care/concern for contacting delinquents and doing evangelism
• High-stress times led to impatience and anger with members, especially antagonistic leaders
• General lethargy and procrastination
• Easily discouraged
• Harder to memorize sermons
• Finding it necessary to take “mental health days” for self-care
• Made me a better pastor

As you might guess, depression in the ministry can severely hamper a man’s ability to serve well. Not being able to deal with members at crucial junctures or being down when it’s best to share happiness with another can cause difficulties.

Thankfully, many of those who responded to the survey listed positive effects depression had on their ministries. We’ll talk about those in a later post, but in short: Many pastors who struggle with depression as I do have realized that their depression leads them to depend more on God and less on their own efforts. That leads to many blessings!

Now, I’m not writing this to beat up on pastors or hope you pity your spiritual leaders. It’s to say: Pastors can suffer from depression, and I’m familiar with that kind of suffering. Every single person has been broken by sin in some way. Depression is just one more symptom of the broken world we live in.

But do you remember how God used people with depression in the past? Do you remember how he used David, Elijah, and Jeremiah?

God can use pastors with depression, too. Even though depression can make ministry difficult, God blesses his people through such ministers.

And he can use you if you have depression, too. Depression does not mean you are a useless part of the body of Christ. You are still valued by your Lord. He does not regret rescuing you from Satan. He does not regret paying the price to make you his own. In fact, he looks at you and delights that you are his.

So if you have depression and you recognize the effects, know that you’re not alone. And know that you are valued, even as you struggle. You too are important, to God and in his service to others.