The Keys to Forgiveness, Words from my Dad

My dad’s funeral was last weekend.

The week before he passed away I spent a ton of time with him, every day, in prayer and in the Word. And on The Monday Morning when I was there, the only time I broke down in the entire process, I was doing a devotion with him and my mom.

We were talking about how God’s M.O. is that he brings life out of death. In the Christian framework of thinking, after every crucifixion, there’s a resurrection. God births extraordinary out of ordinary. He brings good from bad. So, understanding his track record of grace and his typical way of operating, we praise God in the midst of the bad.

At this point, I mentioned to my father that this cancer was the toughest thing he’d ever faced. And, as I often do, I mentioned that deep depression is the toughest thing I’ve ever faced. Still, I’m convinced that the Lord used my depression, in the end, to save my soul. This is my clear and experiential evidence that life comes from death.

And then my dad responded by saying,

 “James, one of the biggest regrets I have as a father is not getting you the help you needed when you needed it.”

Now, I’m not actually convinced that my dad bore any responsibility for negligence over my mental health struggles earlier in life. Sometimes those issues are no one’s “fault.” Sometimes they’re even somewhat self-inflicted. Mine was a combination of factors.

That said, despite having already forgiven my father, it was really cathartic to hear him actually say that he was sorry.

I had known, without question, that he loved me.

I had known that he wanted the best for me.

I saw him sacrifice daily for me.

He was a tremendously faithful, giving, generous father, so much greater than I ever deserved.

But being able to hear “I’m sorry” and being able to forgive– the Ministry of the Keys— I’ll tell you what, that is powerful stuff. It’s the stuff of cosmic reconciliation. And your life absolutely needs it.

I had already forgiven my father if there was any forgiveness needed for mental health negligence. But hearing words of mercy and compassion affects our mental health. Hearing literal words of repentance and forgiveness affects our wellness.

Absolution: The Ministry of the Keys

The Apostle Paul says in Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Lutheran worship typically has a public practice of Confession and Absolution in the context of worship, where the presiding minister absolves the congregation of their sins. Occasionally after leading a worship service, I’ll hear, “I only need Jesus to forgive me of my sins. I don’t need a pastor.”
Sometimes the individual is almost a little offended by the practice.

My response is is typically, “Yes.”

“And no.”

Muddled History

I get it. The practice has been abused. In fact, the practice of private confession to clergy, in the minds of most Protestants, has an unfortunate history of mandated works of penance attached.

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Since Roman Catholicism has a muddled history of confession, much of American evangelicalism has moved away from the practice altogether. In other words, while Roman Catholics have falsely suggested that you aren’t forgiven until you confess to a priest, modern Evangelicals have reacted by regrettably saying you don’t need to confess to anyone but Jesus.

Mediators of Grace

You actually have to start all the way back in the Garden of Eden, in a perfect world, where “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone.'” (Gen. 2:18) God’s one critique of his impeccable creation was the aloneness of humanity.

By God’s design, we were not merely created to be dependent upon God, but also interdependent upon one another. In general, we need words from one another to feel human. And in light of sin, we need words of reconciliation if there is hope of maintaining relationships.

Additionally, if we “only need Jesus to forgive us of our sins,” I’m not sure how we submit to what Jesus himself says in Matthew 18: “I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.” (Matt. 16:19, also 18:18) or John 20: If you forgive anyone his sins, they are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.” (John 20:23)

Jesus makes it abundantly clear that in Age of the Spirit, post-Pentecost, as he indwells his people, he intends for believers to be mediators of grace to forgive one another on his behalf.

So my full response to those who say that we only need a direct connection with Jesus to forgive us of our sins is:

“Yes, and no. It’s technically true that we don’t NEED anyone else to tell us that we’re forgiven of our sins. But because of the way God designed us as psychological, interdependent creatures, we nonetheless BENEFIT from it.”

Why We Can Let Go

It’s quite amazing. Before we ever dreamed of telling God we were sorry for the sins we’ve committed, God already forgave us. Grace allowed him to forgive us before we apologized.

And that’s so important because, in order to have any semblance of health, you need to be able to let go of the wrongs committed against you.

You won’t always get a good apology.

You can forgive without an “I’m sorry.”

And I recommend it. 

He Lives in those Moments

You MUST be able to verbalize to others your sorrow over hurting them. And you MUST be able to verbalize to others that you forgive them, because God, in Christ Jesus, has fully and freely forgiven you. God lives in those moments.

Truly, God lives in those moments. In Matthew 18, having just offered the Ministry of the Keys to his disciples, Jesus said that when Christians interact in the ways God has designed, he lives there.

When Christians pray and study together, or encourage one another and hold one another accountable, or repent to one another and forgive each other, “there am I with them.” (Matt. 18:20)

This side of heaven, that is the greatest experience of God we get.

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(Thoughts from this post are taken from a sermon I preached recently titled “How To Forgive.”)